What happens when you want to write a book, but the book is all about the PAST?
Well, I’ll be honest. I didn’t really want to write this book.
You see, my book is a memoir of a deeply traumatic time in my life, a time where I was hooked in a cycle of a highly toxic relationship. Intellectually, I knew it was a pretty bad situation, but despite this, my heart was still in it, and so I couldn't leave. The highs were too high and canceled out the lows…well–at least that’s what I kept trying to convince myself of...
But once finally freed, after spending an entire 12 months focusing on healing and rebuilding my shattered soul, spirit, and sense-of-self, I began the daunting project of writing a book about it. It wasn’t always easy writing about such a difficult experience. Some days I’d think to myself, why am I spending all this time and energy writing this–PAYING a babysitter, taking precious time away from my two babies, when it’s my past and I just want to move forward?
At the same time, I felt a strong inner calling to write, knowing that other people would benefit from hearing my story. Plus, once I got halfway through, I felt I owed it to myself to finish something I started rather than give up and leave a project halfway done.
Sometimes you have to go backwards in order to go forwards. Reliving my past experience gave me a new perspective and allowed me to process what happened in a new way, through writing. It’s one thing to live through and process something as it’s happening to you, it’s another to put it into cohesive form that other people will actually want to read! The more I wrote, the more I was able to approach writing as an art and it became more and more enjoyable.
Going backwards has given me greater insights into myself and fuels me into the future with increased awareness and wisdom.
So…while B is for Book, and Backwards, it’s also for
Bravely Breaking through and Blazing forward!!!
As one of my favorite Buddhist quotes says:
“The lion kind is said to advance three steps, then takes one step back to gather himself to spring. . .The path forward will open dramatically with prayer and momentum infused with the spirit of a charging lion.”